>Are you ready boots?

>

Yesterday was a good day. The sun was out, The Punk was in a good mood, I had new boots to wear; all was right with the world.

The “new” boots of which I speak are my oppy find of the week for Sophie’s Flea Market Finds – oh how I love them, and how they were so obviously meant for me…

On Wednesday I was very tempted to break my Ethical Clothing Pledge with a pair of $25 boots from Rivers, they were cute damnit, and cheap, but, luckily for me & my weak will, I could nae get the pair I wanted onto my elephantine feet so left grumpily yet morally sound.

Thursday, after Gymbaroo, a spot of opping was called for & the second I glimpsed these lovelies my heart skipped a beat. They were EXACTLY what I have been after, trawling Etsy for in the hopes of finding a cheap pair of with free shipping or something… and they were right in front of me. I picked them up – Size 8. ‘Aren’t I a Men’s 9?’ I wondered (I am in cons – I mistakenly thought these were American), but I thought I better try them on anywho – they looked about right – and oh they were! They are comfortable and tough and waterproof – which is somewhat of a novelty to me with my previous experience of cheap, cruddy boots. I could go on about their awesomeness, I could, but I shall content myself with smiling to myself when I see them and being rather chuffed. Oh – and they were $25, precisely, and about a thousand times better than the tat I wanted to buy the day before.

>There’s a snake in my boots!

>

…okay. No there isn’t. But there is something unusual.

Yesterday my boots arrived, those wicked awesome bargain boots from L’america. You know the ones. Yes you do. Okay well even if you don’t, it doesn’t matter really, all that matters is I got me some kick ass cowboy boots for a song.

However.

After rejoicing in their arrival, delighting in their no-nonsense weight, fondling their worn wooden soles and generally being super chuffed, I decided to try them on.

But they would not go on kids. Oh no. They wouldn’t.

My big fat elephant foot would go no further than the narrow part after the heel. No way. No how. I wedged. I pulled. I pushed. I yanked. I most certainly swore. Nope. And to think I was worried they might be too big!

My bargain boots, my beautiful, beautiful bargain boots were USELESS!

The Boy, startlingly, was un-phased. He told me I could always sell them on eBay, that the world would not end, and that there were other boots in the world?!

Boys just don’t get it, do they?

I turned to the Internet, as I do in dire times of need, whether it is to ask how to make plain flour into self raising, convert lbs into something I might understand or ask how to stretch me some cowboy boots.

There are indeed ways, it seems, to stretch your pinching boots, but most of them *ahem* require you to be able to put your mammoth, gargantuan foot into the damn boots in the first place. There are magical stretching sprays, saddle soap, wet newspaper methods, various oils and unguents… none of which I happened to have handy on a Wednesday afternoon.

I was understandably desperate when I came across a piece of advice I doubted would work. It couldn’t work. Could it?

Five minutes later I ran out into the lounge room on beautifully vintage cowboy boot clad feet. I presented my feet to The Boy, smiling madly.

“How did you get them on?” He asked, as that is obviously what I was expecting.

I smiled harder, clicked my heels together & admired my pretty tootsies.

…….

“Sandwich bags!”

ETA: Gosh you’ve made me laugh this morning ladies, with questions like “What did you do with the sandwich bags?“

You’ve had me picturing all the possibilities that would have me using sandwich bags in an EVEN MORE unusual way to get those damn boots on! IE; Fill sandwich bags with sandwiches. Place sandwiches in the centre of a square piece of hessian, and wrap. Tie sandwich package with golden thread, and bury in the yard. Say magical boot stretching (or foot shrinking) incantation.

Dig up package. Remove sandwiches. Put sandwich bags on feet. Slip sandwich bag clad feet miraculously into boots. Jump for joy.

Let me tell you though – even on a hot day, sandwich bag clad feet in tight cowboy boots are not all that uncomfortable. The boots themselves are also surprisingly comfortable, once I’ve got them on!